The Last Episode of Dollhouse

Alright, let’s talk about it dammit. That the final episode was wholly unsatisfying to me in so many different ways… I CAN’T STOP finding inconsistencies in that story. It’s just a goldmine of bullshit. Here are some of the highlights…
(yes that’s a spoiler alert!)

The Production:

First things first, how bad was that firefight scene in the beginning? One of the first things i liked about this show was the attention to detail in the fight choreography. The first episode showed Ballard in a genuinely engaging fistfight… i can 0nly assume they were rushed for time on this one because it felt like another show altogether. The quality was more on par with a B-movie on the sci fi channel. If you need to cut corners, fine… but it also dragged ON and ON, ending in Ballard getting killed. Which brings me to…

The Plot:

They killed Ballard. Didn’t they JUST use that plot device on us a few episodes ago? What, is he like Kenny on South Park now? “They killed Ballard! You bastards!” Well O.K., he didn’t exactly DIE last time, but Alpha fried his brain in that chair. Then they re-imprinted him with his own (older) personality on his new active architecture and for what? Just to kill him again in the beginning of the last episode? In arch-typical terms, Ballard was “The Hero” but they gunned him down like a stormtrooper. No it’s not enough that his imprint gets to live in Echo’s skull now. The hero never gets to complete his evolution to the sage.

SO many charcter-arcs were left unresolved. For as much time as they spent building up these character’s individual dramas and getting us to care, they sure hung us out to dry on reaching closure with any of them. The most glaring of which was the Victor/Sierra conclusion.

Do you REALLY expect us to believe that Victor would leave Sierra and their child for ANY reason whatsoever? You could argue that the new state of the world was a huge deal and caused Victor’s priorities to change, but they spent the entire duration of the show proving to us that they need to be with each other on some level that transcends their personalities. They were in love, no matter what or who they were imprinted with, and even when they were UN imprinted. One time Victor stood in the same spot all day because she told him to wait there for her.

So why would he leave her and their BABY to run off with his new cyberpunk homies (who drive around in Goliath from Knight Rider) just to have them turn on him in the same episode they’re introduced? Victor and Sierra’s arch-type “The Lovers” is sacrificed for some completely disposable plot-device, just like Ballard’s. Enver Gjokaj (Victor) has shown over and over again that he is a virtual chameleon of an actor, able to impersonate other characters in shocking detail! (his performance as Topher deserves recognition) Why not do something impressive with THAT instead?

Topher’s ending, on the other hand, probably disappointed me the most. He was my favorite character on the show. He cracked me up on every episode, and to see him so demolished in part 1 of this debacle (Epitaph 1) made me really sad. I was hoping that they would rectify some of that in Epitaph 2 but nope… they killed him off too. He figured out how to undo all this mess and heal the world, right? Isn’t that a good-enough reason for Topher to live happily ever after?

Oh that’s right he can’t… because the device can’t be triggered remotely. Why? Are you telling me that TOPHER: SUPER ULTRA MEGA GENIUS can wire up an electrical device to cause some kind of never-before-heard-of explosion that emits gamma rays or some shit that heals the whole planet in a matter of seconds but CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE A REMOTE TRIGGER? What could POSSIBLY be the obstacle here? Does it take a living soul to run it? Or hot human blood and you can’t find a thermos? What the FUCK? How about stupid string hanging from the switch and down the stairs or something? Or out Adelle’s window? He even had time to sit there and ponder that shit on the wall when he could’ve been running.

Don’t tell me Topher had PTSD and just WANTED to die. That’s no excuse for writing him that way. Killing off your main characters for reasons that can be avoided is the hallmark of bad storytelling. So is the Deus Ex Machina which is what Topher’s magic fix totally was.

Adelle: “You can fix all this?”

Topher: “Sure i just need to watch this video of Bennett real quick and BAM… solder right there. Done. Let’s push the button and save the world”

Adelle: “Where does the device need to be?”

Topher: “High up. The higher the better.”

Adelle: “How about the top of this building we’re in?”

Topher: “That’ll work!”

Adelle: “How can our friends here avoid being affected?”

Topher: “They need to be deep underground. The deeper the better.”

Adelle: “How about the bottom of this building we’re in?”

Topher: “That’ll work!”

So effing convenient. Zero thought was put into creating believable reasons for anything. Like how suddenly all was forgiven with Alpha. They never really explained that one. He’s just mysteriously nice now… which is plausible in the Dollhouse universe i guess but why is everyone all hugging him? “Aw hey, I’m sorry about cutting up your face and all…” HE should’ve been leading that cyberpunk crew instead of Victor and gone back to the dollhouse to raid the collection of imprints with them.

I feel like I have a head full of unreleased sneezes. If the show had always been this bad, it wouldn’t bother me so much. Because i would not have been watching it. But on the bright side, at least this time they were given a chance to wrap it up. We won’t be left hanging for years like we were with Firefly… although a well-written Dollhouse movie on a Serenity scale would have been worth the wait.

From everything I’ve seen, I am pretty sure that the show could have done a lot better if it had been marketed by people who understood it’s complexity and knew how to pitch it, but the ever-narrowing minds of the networks and their complete lack of patience has resulted in yet another knee-jerk reaction and another Whedon production taken down before it had a chance to really blossom… and a rushed last-episode that totally damaged the integrity of the entire vision.

Tags: dollhouse, science fiction, television

The F*ckin’ Toxic Beach Golf Classic (and wine mixer)

Best idea ever #146

Help me make this a reality.

Tags: golf, haw, shirt, toxic beach, wine mixer

Sacramento Electronica Music Festival

Heads up, Sacramento! It pleases me to announce that i am joining the opening night lineup for the Sacramento Electronica Muisc Festival! The festival stretches from Thursday the 28th – Saturday the 30th and will be held at the Townhouse  (1517 21st St. Sacramento, CA.)

Show some Sacramento love and come check out an IN-FREAKING-CREDIBLE lineup of  electronic musicians. I will be starting things off on Thursday night along with Mochipet and DJ Whores!

On top of all this… i will be celebrating my 33rd birthday! (that’s 23 in DJ years) so get your tickets (only $10 for a 3 day pass!) and head on down to help me celebrate good and proper-like. In return i will gift your ears and other body parts with new musak!

Artists throughout the week include:
Tycho
Dusty Brown
Mochi Pet
Tha Fruitbat
CityState
The New Humans
Sister Crayon
Paper Pistols
Night Night
Melee Beats
MothSpyEros
Homo Erectus
Vacant Persons
Lifeliner
Thriftcar
More TBA

More Info | Buy Tickets

Tags: breakbeats, dancing, downtempo, dubstep, electronica, festivals, glitch, hay maze, house, midtempo, music, Muti, parties, party, psyphy, psytrance, rave, seventhswami, swami, techno, townhouse

What a Dick Move

I am an ENORMOUS fan of Philip K Dick’s writings (no small thanks to Richard Linklater) and i’ve always been thankful that his family has been so protective over his legacy.

THIS, however… is troubling to me:
http://gothamist.com/2010/01/06/philip_k_dick_daughter_threatens_la.php

I mean… i DO see her point. Even though the word nexus has been used for other products in the past… this phone runs on “android” and that may indicate some intentional reference to the Nexus 6. But i think we’re entering dangerous territory here… How long will it be until every phrase imaginable is copyrighted?

I hate to think that the heir to the estate of my hero is now joining the ranks of AutoZone (who sued Brittney Spears, claiming ownership of the phrase “in the zone“) … or AOL/Time/Warner (who can sue you if you don’t ask their permission before singing “Happy Birthday to You.”)

I wonder why she’s never considered suing Cisco over their “Nexus 7000″ line of switches.  A switch is a decision-making device… not exactly a true-to-form “android” but then again neither is a smart phone. The name is Nexus and it has a number right after it. Same list of offenses.

Come on Isa… do your homework. You could be suing WAY more people than this. There’s a “Valis” Rock Band… and a “Valis III” video game… why not THEM? Start googling every meme your father ever put on paper and see what comes up.

Or better yet… DON’T contribute to the commoditazation of the english language. That would make me much happier.

Tags: blade runner, entitlement, google phone, lawsuit, Morality, nexus one, philip k dick, science fiction

Botnet = Skynet?

So this morning i get to work and open my email to find yet another message from my deceased friend… or so the bot would like me to believe. Last summer my friend passed away and his facebook page was left online as a memorial to him. Yet in a sad and strangely foreboding way, his profile was hacked and this bot has been sending spam to everyone on his friend list. This time the bot scanned his profile and used the name of a friend or relative in the text of the message, in an ironic attempt to be more convincing…

Subject: Hi
“Abigail mentioned you might be interested in this BINSSERVICESSITE .INFO”

The first time this happened i was pretty disgusted and i made a big stink about it. This time i happened to be listening to a podcast about bots when it happened, and it struck me in a more profound way…

Today it dawned on me that an artificial intelligence has assimilated my friend like some kind of techno-doppelganger and is using his image/identity to fulfill it’s own agenda. If Skynet (in the terminator-sense) was really coming, why wouldn’t it use the face/identity of our friends/family like the aliens from Contact? Or could this be more like the biblical end-of-times in which the dead appear to rise from the grave as we get ever-closer to the next cosmic singularity-event?

I think if my friend were still here, he would be amused and fascinated at the ramifications… if not greatly annoyed.

That podcast:

Daniel Suarez (aka author Leinad Zeraus)
Daemon: Bot-mediated Reality
http://download.fora.tv/rss/Long_Now_Podcasts/podcast-2008-08-08-suarez.mp3
Friday, August 08, 2008 4:00 PM

Tags: 2012, AI, Botnet, Bots, singularity, Skynet, virtual reality, VR

SeventhSwami Winter Solstice Mix

The winter solstice is coming up and i’ve been feeling festive. So i threw together this little number to add atmosphere to all your holiday doings.  Enjoy! =)~S

Download:  SeventhSwami – Winter Solstice Mix 2009

Playlist:

Dierdre – knights in white satin

Mochipet – Tinker

Ras G – penny’s connfession

Kilowatts – Nightshade

Spoonbill – How it Goes

Tom Burbank – Tha Chop

Jellybass – Liquid Metal

Motionfield – Childhood Playground

BT – 1.618

Bil Bless – Cursed

Bjork – One Day (Endorphin Mix)

Bancio de Gaia – Not in My Name

Machine Drum – Offs No Koffs (Mesak Remix)

Vent – Bear crunk

Mark Adamo – Sublow Spasm

Opiuo – Slip

Miles Tilmann – Particle

Various Production – Sir

Porn Sword Tobacco – Old Booze, New Friends

The Fancy Camp Bird Orchestra

Amiina – Fjarskanistan

Mauxaum – After

Son of the Electric Ghost – Seven of Scheva

Lorn – Dresden

Eskmo – Harmony

Benga – Crunked Up

Thomas Newman – Drive Away

Sade – Soldier of Love (edit)

Tags: downtempo, dubstep, glitch, grime, midtempo, mixes, seventhswami, Winter Solstice

Tomorrow Night!

Saturday December 12th
SWAG presents:
Jack & Sally’s Holiday Horror

“Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you’ve seen in your dreams. For the night you’re about to embark upon began with the holiday worlds of old. Now you’ve probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven’t I’d say it’s time you begun.”

On December 12th 2009, Swag will present to you a night of holiday horror and banging beats. Come and fall into a world of “The Nightmare Before Christmas” hosted by Halloween Town’s very own Jack Skellington and Sally.

We bring you a colorful spacious & ventilated indoor themed smoking area, a bar to gamble with, and one room packed with music to haunt your night. Stop by at our “Make your Own Ornament” station for your own keepsake. Knock off some of your Christmas shopping list and support local artist at the same time.

Strategik mashup with Djs Influence and Pirata
Brasstax mashup w/ Ding Dong, Mace, Joe Joe & Ernie Trevino
A special holiday mix by Arize
Live vocals by Trisha & Barbie with Cronologix on the decks
Nocturnalism’s Andy P and Knifey Paul
A special 2 hour set by Agent Zero, Dragn’fly and Jonboy

Chillroom by The Ambient Mafia
Unagi
Redstickman
Mino
Seventh Swami
Mo Corleone
Boomerang Fidget
Whiskey Devil

Ticket Information
Buy your $10 presales on http://jackandsallysholidayhorror.eventbrite.com/

$15 in costume $20 without
(Costumes can be anything to do with Christmas or the Nightmare before Christmas Theme)\

Ho Ho Ho
Happy Holidays

Venue Information will be given the day of the event.
This event is 21 and up!!

We will also be celebrating these birthdays!!
Mace
Pirata Aaron
Trisha
Veronica

A really interesting theory about the precession of the equinoxes being a result of our solar system being part of a binary star system.

Tags: 2012, binary, equinoxes, precession, solar system, solstice, star

The Shamanic Origins of Christmas

Modern Christmas traditions are based on ancient mushroom-using shamans
by: Dana Larsen

Although most people see Christmas as a Christian holiday, most of the symbols and icons we associate with Christmas celebrations are actually derived from the shamanistic traditions of the tribal peoples of pre-Christian Northern Europe. The sacred mushroom of these people was the red and white amanita muscaria mushroom, also known as “fly agaric.” These mushrooms are now commonly seen in books of fairy tales, and are usually associated with magic and fairies. This is because they contain potent hallucinogenic compounds, and were used by ancient peoples for insight and transcendental experiences. Most of the major elements of the modern Christmas celebration, such as Santa Claus, Christmas trees, magical reindeer and the giving of gifts, are originally based upon the traditions surrounding the harvest and consumption of these most sacred mushrooms.

The world tree: These ancient peoples, including the Lapps of modern-day Finland, and the Koyak tribes of the central Russian steppes, believed in the idea of a World Tree. The World Tree was seen as a kind of cosmic axis, onto which the planes of the universe are fixed. The roots of the World Tree stretch down into the underworld, its trunk is the “middle earth” of everyday existence, and its branches reach upwards into the heavenly realm. The amanita muscaria mushrooms grow only under certain types of trees, mostly firs and evergreens. The mushroom caps are the fruit of the larger mycelium beneath the soil which exists in a symbiotic relationship with the roots of the tree. To ancient people, these mushrooms were literally “the fruit of the tree.” The North Star was also considered sacred, since all other stars in the sky revolved around its fixed point. They associated this “Pole Star” with the World Tree and the central axis of the universe. The top of the World Tree touched the North Star, and the spirit of the shaman would climb the metaphorical tree, thereby passing into the realm of the gods. This is the true meaning of the star on top of the modern Christmas tree, and also the reason that the super-shaman Santa makes his home at the North Pole. Ancient peoples were amazed at how these magical mushrooms sprang from the earth without any visible seed. They considered this “virgin birth” to have been the result of the morning dew, which was seen as the semen of the deity. The silver tinsel we drape onto our modern Christmas tree represents this divine fluid.

Reindeer games: The active ingredients of the amanita mushrooms are not metabolized by the body, and so they remain active in the urine. In fact, it is safer to drink the urine of one who has consumed the mushrooms than to eat the mushrooms directly, as many of the toxic compounds are processed and eliminated on the first pass through the body. It was common practice among ancient people to recycle the potent effects of the mushroom by drinking each other’s urine. The amanita’s ingredients can remain potent even after six passes through the human body. Some scholars argue that this is the origin of the phrase “to get pissed,” as this urine-drinking activity preceded alcohol by thousands of years. Reindeer were the sacred animals of these semi-nomadic people, as the reindeer provided food, shelter, clothing and other necessities. Reindeer are also fond of eating the amanita mushrooms; they will seek them out, then prance about while under their influence. Often the urine of tripped-out reindeer would be consumed for its psychedelic effects. This effect goes the other way too, as reindeer also enjoy the urine of a human, especially one who has consumed the mushrooms. In fact, reindeer will seek out human urine to drink, and some tribesmen carry sealskin containers of their own collected piss, which they use to attract stray reindeer back into the herd. The effects of the amanita mushroom usually include sensations of size distortion and flying. The feeling of flying could account for the legends of flying reindeer, and legends of shamanic journeys included stories of winged reindeer, transporting their riders up to the highest branches of the World Tree.

Santa Claus, super shaman: Although the modern image of Santa Claus was created at least in part by the advertising department of Coca-Cola, in truth his appearance, clothing, mannerisms and companions all mark him as the reincarnation of these ancient mushroom-gathering shamans. One of the side effects of eating amanita mushrooms is that the skin and facial features take on a flushed, ruddy glow. This is why Santa is always shown with glowing red cheeks and nose. Even Santa’s jolly “Ho, ho, ho!” is the euphoric laugh of one who has indulged in the magic fungus. Santa also dresses like a mushroom gatherer. When it was time to go out and harvest the magical mushrooms, the ancient shamans would dress much like Santa, wearing red and white fur-trimmed coats and long black boots. These peoples lived in dwellings made of birch and reindeer hide, called “yurts.” Somewhat similar to a teepee, the yurt’s central smokehole is often also used as an entrance. After gathering the mushrooms from under the sacred trees where they appeared, the shamans would fill their sacks and return home. Climbing down the chimney-entrances, they would share out the mushroom’s gifts with those within. The amanita mushroom needs to be dried before being consumed; the drying process reduces the mushroom’s toxicity while increasing its potency. The shaman would guide the group in stringing the mushrooms and hanging them around the hearth-fire to dry. This tradition is echoed in the modern stringing of popcorn and other items. The psychedelic journeys taken under the influence of the amanita were also symbolized by a stick reaching up through the smokehole in the top of the yurt. The smokehole was the portal where the spirit of the shaman exited the physical plane. Santa’s famous magical journey, where his sleigh takes him around the whole planet in a single night, is developed from the “heavenly chariot,” used by the gods from whom Santa and other shamanic figures are descended. The chariot of Odin, Thor and even the Egyptian god Osiris is now known as the Big Dipper, which circles around the North Star in a 24-hour period. In different versions of the ancient story, the chariot was pulled by reindeer or horses. As the animals grow exhausted, their mingled spit and blood falls to the ground, forming the amanita mushrooms.

St Nicholas and Old Nick: Saint Nicholas is a legendary figure who supposedly lived during the fourth Century. His cult spread quickly and Nicholas became the patron saint of many varied groups, including judges, pawnbrokers, criminals, merchants, sailors, bakers, travelers, the poor, and children. Most religious historians agree that St Nicholas did not actually exist as a real person, and was instead a Christianized version of earlier Pagan gods. Nicholas’ legends were mainly created out of stories about the Teutonic god called Hold Nickar, known as Poseidon to the Greeks. This powerful sea god was known to gallop through the sky during the winter solstice, granting boons to his worshippers below. When the Catholic Church created the character of St Nicholas, they took his name from “Nickar” and gave him Poseidon’s title of “the Sailor.” There are thousands of churches named in St Nicholas’ honor, most of which were converted from temples to Poseidon and Hold Nickar. (As the ancient pagan deities were demonized by the Christian church, Hold Nickar’s name also became associated with Satan, known as “Old Nick!”) Local traditions were incorporated into the new Christian holidays to make them more acceptable to the new converts. To these early Christians, Saint Nicholas became a sort of “super-shaman” who was overlaid upon their own shamanic cultural practices. Many images of Saint Nicholas from these early times show him wearing red and white, or standing in front of a red background with white spots, the design of the amanita mushroom. St Nicholas also adopted some of the qualities of the legendary “Grandmother Befana” from Italy, who filled children’s stockings with gifts. Her shrine at Bari, Italy, became a shrine to St Nicholas.

Modern world, ancient traditions: Some psychologists have discussed the “cognitive dissonance” which occurs when children are encouraged to believe in the literal existence of Santa Claus, only to have their parents’ lie revealed when they are older. By so deceiving our children we rob them of a richer heritage, for the actual origin of these ancient rituals is rooted deep in our history and our collective unconscious. By better understanding the truths within these popular celebrations, we can better understand the modern world, and our place in it. Many people in the modern world have rejected Christmas as being too commercial, claiming that this ritual of giving is actually a celebration of materialism and greed. Yet the true spirit of this winter festival lies not in the exchange of plastic toys, but in celebrating a gift from the earth: the fruiting top of a magical mushroom, and the revelatory experiences it can provide. Instead of perpetuating outdated and confusing holiday myths, it might be more fulfilling to return to the original source of these seasonal celebrations. How about getting back to basics and enjoying some magical mushrooms with your loved ones this solstice? What better gift can a family share than a little piece of love and enlightenment?

Tags: Amanita muscaria, Christmas, magic mushrooms, religion, Santa, Shaman, Winter Solstice

Monk Gloats Over Yoga Championship

This will never get old to me. (originally featured on theonion.com)

LHASA, TIBET—Employing the brash style that first brought him to prominence, Sri Dhananjai Bikram won the fifth annual International Yogi Competition yesterday with a world-record point total of 873.6.

Sri Dhananjai Bikram walked away with the World Yoga Championship after averaging 1.89 breaths per minute for two straight hours. “I’m blissful! You blissful?! I’m blissful!” he screamed repeatedly to the other yogis.

“I am the serenest!” Bikram shouted to the estimated crowd of 20,000 yoga fans, vigorously pumping his fists. “No one is serener than Sri Dhananjai Bikram—I am the greatest monk of all time!”

Bikram averaged 1.89 breaths a minute during the two-hour competition, nearly .3 fewer than his nearest competitor, second-place finisher and two-time champion Sri Salil “The Hammer” Gupta.

The heavily favored Gupta was upset after the loss.

“I should be able to beat that guy with one lung tied,” Gupta said. “I’m beside myself right now, and I don’t mean trans-bodily.”

Bikram got off to a fast start at the Lhasa meet, which like most major competitions, is a six-event affair. In the first event, he attained total consciousness (TC) in just 2 minutes, 34 seconds, and set the tone for the rest of the meet by repeatedly shouting, “I’m blissful! You blissful?! I’m blissful!” to the other yogis.

Bikram, 33, burst onto the international yoga scene with a gold-mandala performance at the 1994 Bhutan Invitational. At that competition he premiered his aggressive style, at one point in the flexibility event sticking his middle toes out at the other yogis. While no prohibition exists against such behavior, according to Yoga League Commissioner Swami Prabhupada, such behavior is generally considered “un-Buddhalike.”

“I don’t care what the critics say,” Bikram said. “Sri Bikram is just gonna go out there and do Sri Bikram’s own yoga thing.”

Before the Bhutan meet, Bikram had never placed better than fourth. Many said he had forsaken rigorous training for the celebrity status accorded by his Bhutan win, endorsing Nike’s new line of prayer mats and supposedly dating the Hindu goddess Shakti. But his performance this week will regain for him the number one computer ranking and earn him new respect, as well as for his coach Mahananda Vasti, the controversial guru some have called Bikram’s “guru.”

“My special training diet for Bikram of one super-charged, carbo-loaded grain of rice per day was essential to his win,” Vasti said.

The defeated Gupta denied that Bikram’s taunting was a factor in his inability to attain TC.

“I just wasn’t myself today,” Gupta commented. “I wasn’t any self today. I was an egoless particle of the universal no-soul.”

In the second event, flexibility, Bikram maintained the lead by supporting himself on his index fingers for the entire 15 minutes while touching the back of his skull to his lower spine. The feat was matched by Gupta, who first used the position at the 1990 Tokyo Zen-Off.

“That’s my meditative position of spiritual ecstasy, not his,” remarked Gupta. “He stole my thunder.”

Bikram denied the charge, saying, “Gupta’s been talking like that ever since he was a 3rd century Egyptian slave-owner.”

Nevertheless, a strong showing by Gupta in the third event, the shotput, placed him within a lotus petal of the lead at the competition’s halfway point.

But event number four, the contemplation of unanswerable riddles known as koans, proved the key to victory for Bikram.

The koan had long been thought the weak point of his spiritual arsenal, but his response to today’s riddle—”Show me the face you had before you were born”—was reportedly “extremely illuminative,” according to Commissioner Prabhupada.

While koan answers are kept secret from the public for fear of exposing the uninitiated multitudes to the terror of universal truth, insiders claim his answer had Prabhupada and the two other judges “highly enlightened.”

With the event victory, Bikram built himself a nearly insurmountable lead, one he sustained through the yak-milk churn and breathing events to come away with the upset victory.

Tags: gloats, haw, monk, onion, philosophy, serenest, yoga