sacramento
Two 2nd Saturday shows TONIGHT!
Resynthesize and I will be performing tonight in Midtown Sacramento at the 2nd Saturday art walk, at two different venues! alongside Psylence and Dirt.
FIRST: I will be dropping fresh beat at the Stilldream art show at:
Bonehead Tattoo
( 1017 24th St)6pm
SECOND: Doing it again at Kristen Hoard‘s art show at:
The Sacramento Art Complex
(April 11th 2nd Saturday 6-10pm 2110 K. Street) @ 8pm.
Kristen will be showing some new fire art pieces and there will be over 20 artists showing work as well! Please come out for a great night to kickoff spring! Also come see the wonderful SN&R newstands that many of the artists of the SAC have decorated. Several of the artists at the Sacramento Art Complex have been decorated SN&R Newstands for a couple of weeks and now they are all done! Soon they will be placed around midtown!
Tomorrow Night at Silk!
Looks like we got the crew together again to shatter your braindrums! I’ve been putting together a thumpin new set for this all week too. I’m on from 9:30 to 10:30 with Tha Fruitbat, Phokus, Resynthesize, Psylence, and Dirt! You don’t want to miss this rare performance by bay area whompstars and hometown heroes combined!
1011 Del Paso Blvd Sacramento, CA 95815
$5 before 10:30, $10 after…
Live art and visuals by Goren the Robot, Wes Rodriguez and Mr. Fuel
Collecting Cat Poop For My Mother
OK so this one time… at my mom’s house… my crazy mother was in the back yard doing some watering when she saw this big clump of mud stuck to the side of the house, on the underside of the eaves. “Flying Grasshoppers” were flying in and out of it she said. So she grabbed a shovel and knocked it off the side of the house. Bad move.
If you know my mother at all you know that it takes more than being attacked by a hive of wasps to frighten her. Instead she got mad, went and grabbed a rake and a can of Formula 409 and went to town on them… She waged war on an entire hive of wasps, in flight, with a rake and an AEROSOL can of Formula 409 with a Gemco price tag on it’s rusty bottom. (meaning this can was over 15 years old at the time)
She called me 3 days later, saying that the “stupid flyer grasshoppers” bit her and she was swollen up in bed for the last 3 days. My mother achieved celebrity status among my friends for this one. My friend Joe still has the can of 409 that i confiscated from her on a shelf in his garage.
So now she has a gopher problem. I have never dealt with a gopher problem before and I’ve never seen them at that house… i pulled up the other day and the front lawn looked like scattered shit. I’m guessing the construction a block away flushed them out and they migrated over to her street.
Anyway it looks like she has developed another famous home-brewed-remedy for pest-removal… She’s been digging the dirt out to expose the holes and then pours bleach down the holes. I can totally see her funny logic here. She has always poured bleach down clogged drains and so here, to her, is another problem in the form of a hole in the ground. Of course the bleach is just going to soak into the dirt right under the hole… unless gophers make their tunnels out of pipes or something… or they tunnel up from the center of the earth in a straight line so the bleach just falls until it pegs the gopher right in the mouth or something. At the very least, we know that no grass is going to grow wherever she pours that shit… not for a long time.
So after bagging on her for a bit, she asks me to build a better gopher trap. I go online and look up gopher removal and I find this: www.american-lawns.com/proble…ut.html Apparantly you can pour used cat litter down gopher holes to get rid of them. Cats are one of the gopher’s natural predators and they freak out when they catch the scent of cat droppings. They think they’re in cat territory and they bail.
If that turns out to be a load of shit (no pun intended) then I’m going to buy her a big wooden mallet so she can sit there and wait for their little heads to pop up and then try to smash them.
Your Daily Engrish Report
So I drove my mother to the Korean store last night and for the first time I wasn’t bored out of my skull. I decided to go around documenting all the best examples of engrish that I could find.
It wasn’t hard.
This is an abridged list of the best ones… aside from these gems, the makeup/skincare counter is chock full of crazy phrases… It’s like you get a haiku with every purchase!
There is also some strange fascination with nano-technology in korea or something… not the reality of nano-tech… just the exploitation of the buzz… I’ve never seen so many products claim to have “nano particles” in it… or that they are natural plant-based products made by nano technology…. ????? I guess there’s no truth in marketing, even overseas…. ESPECIALLY overseas.
for example… ENPRANI makes an “innermost hydro softener” that boasts an “Inner sphere Nano 60 Triple Hydration System”… dermatologist tested of course…
Ah the joy… I will never be bored in that store again.
It’s a Jungle Out There
damn… at 9:00 last night I got out of the air conditioned car and my glasses fogged up. I’ve never in my life seen weather this humid in sacramento.
On the bright side, you can close your eyes and pretend you’re in the tropics.
An Educational Afternoon
Visted my mother for an hour that turned into three… heard a lot of interesting stories for the first time… the most interesting of which is that she almost adopted a korean girl before I came into the picture… she said that she was 4 months pregnant with me when the agency came to her asking if she was interested in this girl. But, according to my mother’s angry phone call to me in 1993, I was adoped too.so i think what she’s saying is that she had a choice and she chose me over her… then she capped the story by telling me how she always wishes that she had adopted the girl too.
My mom has been avidly denying the fact that i am adopted ever since she broke the news to me herself 13 years ago. i verified it with my dad who sighed and lit up a cigarette and proceeded to tell me the whole story. Apparantly I was the product of an affair had by a lady and her tae-kwon-do instructor… she had a husband and 3 children at home already. This took place in the faraway land of Rancho Cordova. My dad said he was shocked that she told me because she has always been so strongly against me knowing.
So anyway she’s in denial and makes up stories about being pregnant with me and there’s no pictures in the house of me younger than 4 months old or of her pregnant in any way. But this was the closest she’s ever come to talking about it. She went into detail about how the agency came to check out the house and checked their credit and histories… and all supposedly because she was considering adopting this girl… So I asked “What was the name of the agency?” and she replied “Holt.”
So finally i have a lead. I just sent an information request to Holt International Children’s Services and we’ll see what pops up.
The Way I See It #141
printed on my starbucks cup this morning:
The Way I See It # 141:
I used to feel so alone in the city.
All those gazillions of people and
then me, on the outside. Because
how do you meet a new person?
I was very stumped by this for many
years. And then I realized, you just
say, Hi. They may ignore you. Or
you may marry them. And that
possibility is worth that one word.
the irony was to be found in the fine print, just underneath
This is the author’s opinion, not necessarily that of Starbucks.
Breathtaking isn’t it? Starbucks is an interesting contradiction a mega-corporation based on hipsters. I mean, obviously Starbucks brought the barista into the mainstream and now not just hipsters buy espressos. but just one look at these cups and these blurbs and short poems you can see Starbucks pretending to push to the left while capping every paragraph with legal disclaimers, circle-Rs. and the like.
It’s a lot like the new Volkswagen beetle. comes with a flower-pot built right into the dashboard so instead of being a flower child who looks for something gas-efficient to drive, now even the average consumer-whore can own a beetle OH here’s where the flower goes! how cute! Maybe can find a little plastic flower that never goes bad to stick in there!
Amazing how many hippies turned into yuppies when the acid wore off Amazing how quickly the pressures of society and of keeping up with the joneses sets back in.
Once upon a time I was taking a 3-D rendering and animation class and for my final i decided to create a virtual model of a Starbucks franchise I walked into a Starbucks near my house and took about 12 pictures. 3 or 4 just to see what all goes into a Starbucks (there’s a lot of crap in there! lemme tell ya!) and the others were close-ups of wallpaper and tabletops and paintings so that I could make image-maps of them and adhere them to the flat walls of my 3-D model.
Sounds like fun eh? Yeah I was enjoying myself until the angry floor-manager came running out of the back room and got right up in my face.
HEY you can’t take pictures in here! Get that camera out of here!
But. i asked your employee for permission and she said it was OK.
Which employee?!?
Nevermind I’m not trying to get your employees in trouble. Look this is a school project. I thought starbucks was trying to encourage creativity you got that guy in the corner doing a charcoal sketch for chirssakes.
just get out
fine i don’t see why you have to be such a dick about it though I’m just sayin
WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?
forget it I’m leaving
HEY COME BACK HERE (following me to my car)
I’m sorry did you just follow me out into the parking lot? I’m sure that’s against policy.
I DON’T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
And he never did. But I DID end up getting an A on my project and I DID end up getting 5 free drink coupons from Starbucks after I sent them an email about the incident. Do I have any sympathy for the guy for probably getting reprimanded because of me? No. Sorry anyone who takes their starbucks jobs THAT seriously needs a wake up call anyway.
The Way Swami Sees It #141:
A good Starbucks Employee
should steal the little sampler cups
so that when he/she hosts a house
party, they can serve jello-shots in
them and laugh about it with all
of their friends.
Scenes From a Weird Evening
During Dinner At My Mother’s Place:
Me: I gotta go Ma… I’m meeting a friend.
Mom: Boy or Girl?
Me: Girl.
Mom: Where?
Me: Downtown.
Mom: She is hooker?!
At The Gas Station By My House:
Man Talking to Himself (but for other people’s benefit) While Pumping Gas Into a Beat Up Convertible 90s Oldsmobile and Obviously High on Some Manner of Meth: All right man….. heh…. yeah….. got a full tank of gas…. a pocket full of cash….. fuckin twelve pack…. ha…. (replaces pump handle and gets in his car while watching me out of the corner of his eye) ready to party man…. let’s go to the strip club! AWRIGHT!!! (starts the engine and peels out with one wheel… out of the gas station parking lot… all the way up the street with the rear shocks dippin’)
Some Corner Facing West In Midtown:
Bicycling Asian Girl I Almost Ran Over: ….. (sees life flash before eyes)
Me: ….. (whispering: “Sorry…”)
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