Fireball Kitteh

So we have one of those gas-heaters that stands on the wall… about 5.5 feet tall… has a little door at the bottom where you can access the pilot and the whole mechanism… Many times we have turned on the thermostat and heard the gas ignite after it’s had a little too much time to build up… causing the downstairs windows to rattle from the pressure change. Once, recently, i was waiting for the pilot to light and watching the thing, and saw a pretty decent curl of flame jump out of the thing.

Shit… i thought… my cat sleeps in front of this thing sometimes. He is actually sleeping in front of it RIGHT NOW… and he’s fortunately slept through it…

I wasn’t worried too badly about it because i only saw the heater do that once, and when he was laying there in front of the thing he was low enough that the flame missed him by about 8 inches.

Today however, I get home and emily shows me the evidence of fucking Stunt-Cat’s latest brush with the great attractor… Not only are all his whiskers singed, but take a look at the red outline on this photo… that whole area is kinda crispy to the touch. Just the tips… (just to see what it feels like…) but yeah… time to talk to the landlord.

Tags: cats, haw, humor, rudy

My Cat… the Flying Squirrel

Three of our best friends came to stay with us for the weekend to help celebrate Emily’s birthday. Along with them came a baby and 2 chihuahuas… Our cats were feeling slightly displaced due to this. But lately i’ve granted them unfettered acccess to the upstairs balcony so i figured i’d leave the door open so they could wander in and out and everyone would be happy.

Not so… Early on Sunday morning Rudy decided to bail on our little party. Our apartments don’t allow cats to wander around the premises (even though several do anyway) so i checked out the balcony situation thorougly and deduced that there was no way for them to get down from there… Rudy disagreed. I awoke to him yowling like a baby outside and when i came down to investigate, he was standing there by the front door with loads of sap stuck between his toes. Apparently he launched off the balcony, right into the little fir tree or whatever that is outside our neighbor’s front door.

Not sure if he’ll try this shit again but he seemed shaken up enough by it… i didn’t ban him from the balcony after that and he hasn’t jumped again yet… so we’ll see i guess.

Tags: cats, fonzi, home, rudy

E40 vs Michel’le

****** My bedroom… Saturday morning… 5:30 AM ******

“Is that that fucking cat?”

“yeah he’s restless.”

“He’d better not be getting poop on his cone again… HEY POOP-CONE.. what are you doing?” *turns on light*

“He’s not peeing on anything is he?”

*shutting off light* No he’s ok… that cone is just loud when he’s banging around in the dark… he sounds like a flashlight rolling around in a drawer.”

“Hey do you remember that song , Nicety?” www.youtube.com/watch

“Oh my god… you did NOT just say Nicety.”

“You remember it? ‘Some people say I’m nice… Some people say I’m nasty…’”

“Ugh… i hated that song!”

“WHY? That song was funny!”

“That’s as bad as fucking Slurricane.” www.youtube.com/watch

“No way dude! That was Dr. Dré!”

“Shut… the fuck… up! That was not Dr. Dré!”

“Dr. Dré did Nicety with Michel’le.”

“You’re kidding me. How could Dré write something that lame?”

“well it was Michel’le too.”

“You honestly think that song is better than Slurricane?”

“Slurricane doesn’t mean ANYTHING… E40 just threw two words together that don’t go.”

“What about Nicety?”

“‘Nicety’ is Nice and Nasty combined… If you are both nice and nasty then you are ‘Nicety’.. what the hell is Slurricane?”

“Hurricane and Slurring… which is what happens to E-40 when he’s had too much Hurricane.”

“Ok well that makes some sense i guess.”

“I’m not saying Slurricane is BETTER… I’m saying Slurricane and Nicety are EQUALLY bad songs.”

“I don’t think so…”

“Babe…”

“Hmm?”

“Did we REALLY just wake up at 5:30 in the morning to talk about this?”

Tags: cats, haw, music, rudy

Cone Cat

Poor goddamn Rudy came slinking up onto the porch last night with blood all over his neck… at first i thought it was a fresh bite but it turned out to be a ruptured abcess from an OLD bite… which i remember happening last week…

Either way when i rinsed his wound and realized how big it was, i decided to drive him over to Mueller’s.. the trusty all-night vet here in town.

Amazingly, they said that awful gash would heal on it’s own and they cleaned him and gave me a few weeks worth of antibiotics that I am to administer orally twice a day… and judging by the bukakke action that went down this morning, i’d say i have to improve my accuracy.

I hate pet antics like this… one day everything is going fine and you have 200 extra bucks to play with and then your cat comes staggering in with grenade wounds and suddenly you’re going home on your lunches to make cheese sandwiches and feed your cat through an eyedropper.

I am so totally not ready to have kids.

Tags: cats, rudy

My Cat is Driving Me to Drink

If you are a designer… try to avoid using a portfolio with fabric-bound covers….

there is nothing quite so silly as taking a lint brush to your portfolio every time you have to share it with a prospective client….

and just to drive the point home, while typing this, my cat decided to sit right on top of the damn thing

Tags: cats, design, rudy