Spider Dreams

Last night’s dream started off really scary… i was dreaming that i was laying in bed trying to fall asleep (so the transition was flawless and i was convinced that i was still awake) when a spider bit my pinky toe. i yelped and kicked for a second and then checked out the bite… it was swelling up like a blood-blister… so i squeezed the blood out. A few minutes later i squeezed it again a ribbon of puss came out… followed by a COMPLETE SPIDER AND A BUNCH OF SPIDER EGGS!

“aw shit son… this is BAD!” I said and that’s when i felt another bite…. on my right nut. I won’t get into the gross detail but it didn’t take long before I realized i needed to be DRIVEN to a hospital so i called one of my best friends, Joe to pick me up.

He arrived in an 83 280zx 2+2 with his girl and their daughter… They’re helping me out the front door of my house and i reach down to check the ol’ testes again and … whaddaya know… they’re back to normal. i check the toe… back to normal… that’s when i realized i was dreaming…

the funny thing is i told them i forgot something and went back to my room to figure out how to tell them “sorry to wake you up and drag you over here… it turns out i’m dreaming…”

Spider eggs in your toe… not so hot. Spider eggs in your right testicle… straight-up WRONG.

I don’t remember what happened directly after that but by the end of the dream i was mashing in reverse-gear in a BMW 325i with 6 miliion dollars in the trunk and some guy with a flat-top shooting at me.

I would have gotten away too if the BMW didn’t suddenly morph into a Segway with a dying battery.

Oh and one more piece of advice… if you are ever hiding from a villain in a factory where concrete is being poured into molds… do NOT hide IN the concrete with a plastic straw in your mouth to breathe through… i know this sounds terribly obvious but you’d be surprised the lengths you’ll go to when you’re being chased by a man with a gun who wants your share of the loot.